the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
