Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
did i just pee glitter
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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