Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i barfeds in our rink
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
