She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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