im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
