My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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