I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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