Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
