Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
