I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
