Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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