ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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