I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
