At least make sure they are 18
Why
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
