Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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