there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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