too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
