I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
