When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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