Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
