Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
