How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
