Someone shit on the floor
I think i peed on brittanys purse
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize