your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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