this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
