I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
