Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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