walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
