I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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