I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
