I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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