She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
