Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
