We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
