i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
