Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
