my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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