dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
