I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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