Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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