Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
