is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
