youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
