Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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