I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
