I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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