I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
