First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
