I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
