wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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