She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
