Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He did a backflip because drugs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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