i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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