if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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