I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And then he peed in my hair
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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