A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
