i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
