I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
