The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
