:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
