I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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