Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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