So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
my liver is dry heaving
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
