why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize