I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
