girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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