plz talk dirty to me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
