Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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