Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
