I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
