Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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