sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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