My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
