I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
