I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
