Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
