A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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