I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
