I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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