I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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