You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
