Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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