Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
