Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
