i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
