Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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