The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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