Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
