we made out on top of his cat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
