i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
