the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize