9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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