the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
