remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My life is pants optional.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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