is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
