'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
