I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
