dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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