Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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