I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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