just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
