i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
