I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
