he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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